If the prospect of a fifth (checks imdb. Yep, fifth) Transformers movie wasn’t bad enough, wait’ll you get a load of the Transformers: The Last Knight runtime.
Three hours, two minutes.
Yes, Transformers: The Last Knight is 182 minutes, the longest Transformers movie, besting the previous longest entry – the abysmal Age of Extinction in 2014 – by 17 whole minutes. It’s longer than The Godfather, longer than Casino, longer than any fifth movie about car robots should be by about 90-100 minutes.
Oh, and it’s one minute shorter than Michael Bay’s garbage historical epic, Pearl Harbor. He had as much to say about World War II than medieval car robots or whatever the hell this thing is about.
What in the world is Michael Bay doing to fill up these hours? I saw the last one when it came out and aside from Mark Wahlberg being in there I couldn’t tell you a single thing about it. These are movies about GIANT ROBOTS! What sort of twisted maniac would want to go and sit through this movie? I can’t summon up enough “nope” from the pit of my dark soul to reject even the thought of sitting for three hours and have my senses systematically dismembered by crunching metal and inhuman dialogue and racism and sexism and all manner of unnecessarily confusing “plot” stuff.
Yeah yeah, I know, don’t see it. Don’t worry, I won’t. But this is more about you, person out there who is reading this and somehow still eagerly anticipating Transformers: The Last Knight. Please just… don’t. Please go buy a book or watch two 90 minute movies that are undoubtedly better and more satisfying than this. Don’t play into Bay’s hands.
Make it stop.
Update: Michael Bay has responded to the news circulating that the movie is 3 hours plus:
Reports of #transformers The Last Knight being over 3hrs is wrong. It's shorter than the last 3 movies by a lot.
— Michael Bay (@michaelbay) June 1, 2017
So count your blessings, everyone. We dodged a bullet there. Still, it’s pretty weird that such a specific runtime would make its way all the way to Google.
